Ten Warning Signs You're Dating the Wrong Person

A Pastoral Word to Young Christian Men

Young man, the woman you date will either sharpen your calling or slowly sabotage it.

Dating is not a game, not a phase, and not a hobby. It is the front door to your future. Scripture does not treat relationships casually because God does not treat destiny casually. You are not just choosing a companion. You are choosing a spiritual partner, a future mother, a ministry multiplier, or a lifelong distraction.

The Bible says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3). Agreement is not about music taste, hobbies, or personality. It is about direction, values, authority, and submission to Christ. If you are walking toward God and she is walking toward herself, you are not walking together, you are just close in proximity.

Let's look at 10 warning signs that you are dating the wrong woman.

1. She Does Not Love God More Than She Loves You

Infatuation can imitate spirituality for a season, but it cannot sustain holiness long-term.

If her faith rises and falls based on her emotions, circumstances, or your presence, you are not dating a disciple, you are dating a dependent.

The moment you become her primary source of identity, stability, and fulfillment, you are replacing God, not leading her to Him. Scripture says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33).

If God is not first in her life, eventually you will be expected to fill a role only God can occupy, and that weight will crush both of you.

2. She Pulls You Away From Spiritual Disciplines

The wrong woman will make prayer feel awkward, church feel optional, and accountability feel unnecessary. She will not openly oppose God, she will simply make spiritual things feel inconvenient.

Over time, your Bible will stay closed, your convictions will soften, and your hunger for God will slowly fade.

The Bible says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” (Proverbs 27:17). If she dulls your edge, weakens your appetite for God, and makes obedience feel extreme, she is not sharpening you, she is reshaping you.

3. Physical Boundaries Are Constantly Being Crossed

Lust always disguises itself as love, but love protects purity. A woman who repeatedly invites compromise is not guarding your soul, she is prioritizing her desires over your holiness. Chemistry without conviction always leads to regret.

Scripture says, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22). If she pressures you toward sin instead of helping you flee from it, she is not a partner in righteousness, she is a temptation dressed in affection.

4. She Is Disrespectful Toward Authority

Rebellion is not a personality quirk. It is a spiritual issue. The way she talks about her parents, her pastor, and godly leadership reveals how she handles authority in general. Disrespect today becomes defiance tomorrow.

The Bible says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1). A woman who cannot submit to godly authority now will not magically become respectful in marriage. Authority problems always transfer relationships.

5. She Is Emotionally Chaotic and Spiritually Unstable

Everyone has struggles, but patterns reveal character. If her life is filled with constant drama, unresolved bitterness, emotional manipulation, and repeated relational conflict, you are not stepping into peace, you are stepping into turbulence.

Scripture says, “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33). A woman ruled by her emotions will eventually try to rule your decisions, your friendships, and your future.

6. She Does Not Respect Your Calling

If your desire to serve God, lead, preach, disciple, or live with spiritual purpose is treated as unrealistic or inconvenient, you are dating someone who will eventually resent your obedience. When a woman does not understand your calling, she will compete with it.

The Bible says, “Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.” (Proverbs 16:3). The right woman will not compete with your purpose, she will come alongside it and help carry it.

7. She Tears Others Down With Her Words

Character always leaks through conversation. If her mouth is filled with gossip, sarcasm, slander, and constant criticism, her heart is not being governed by the Spirit. A sharp tongue reveals a shallow soul.

Scripture says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying.” (Ephesians 4:29). How she talks about others is how she will eventually talk about you when conflict comes.

8. She Hates Correction and Resists Accountability

Humility loves growth, pride hates exposure. If she becomes defensive, angry, or dismissive when confronted in love, she is not teachable. And an unteachable spirit will poison every future relationship.

The Bible says, “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.” (Proverbs 15:32). Correction is not an attack, it is an invitation to maturity.

9. She Wants Relationship Benefits Without Biblical Commitment

If she wants emotional intimacy, physical closeness, and future promises without spiritual direction, boundaries, or clarity, she is consuming, not building. Disorder in dating always produces dysfunction in marriage.

Scripture says, “Let all things be done decently and in order.” (1 Corinthians 14:40). When a relationship has no structure, no purpose, and no spiritual leadership, confusion becomes inevitable.

10. Being With Her Makes You Less Like Christ

This is the ultimate test. Not chemistry. Not attraction. Not personality. Transformation. Are you becoming more holy, more disciplined, more prayerful, and more Christlike, or more distracted, compromised, and spiritually lazy?

The Bible says, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.” (1 Corinthians 15:33). The people closest to you shape the person you become.

Final Word

Here is the truth young men must face. Love does not fix character. Marriage does not heal spiritual dysfunction. Time does not turn red flags into green lights. What you tolerate in dating, you will inherit in marriage!

You are not called to rescue anyone. You are called to walk in wisdom.

The right woman will not replace God in your life, she will reinforce Him. She will not pull you down, she will call you up. She will not compete with your convictions, she will confirm them.

The Bible says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22). But that favor is found through prayer, discernment, and obedience, not desperation.

Choose wisely. Your future family, your ministry, your spiritual legacy, and your walk with God are sitting across the table from you every time you go on a date.

A Pastoral Word to Young Christian Women

Young woman, the man you date will not just affect your emotions, he will shape your spiritual trajectory.

Dating is not entertainment; it is formation. You are not simply choosing who to love, you are choosing who will speak into your decisions, lead your home, influence your children, and set the spiritual temperature of your future. The man you give your heart to will either make obedience easier or make compromise feel normal!

Scripture frames this with sobering clarity: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?”  (2 Corinthians 6:14).

A yoke determines direction, pace, and endurance. You will go where the man you marry is going, not where you wish he would go.

Let's look at 10 warning signs that you are dating the wrong man.

1. He Does Not Actively Fear and Follow God

A man can claim faith and still live functionally godless. If God is not shaping his schedule, governing his decisions, and humbling his heart, then God is not truly first. Spiritual language without spiritual fruit is empty religion.

Scripture says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10). A man who does not fear God will make foolish decisions, because he has removed the very foundation of wisdom from his life. You cannot build a godly future on a man who does not tremble before a holy God.

2. He Is Not Under Spiritual Authority or Discipleship

Independence is not maturity; it is often disguised pride. A man who rejects church, avoids accountability, and resists pastoral influence is not spiritually strong, he is spiritually exposed.

The Bible says, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20). If he is not walking with godly men, learning, being corrected, and growing, he is forming himself, and self-made men usually collapse under pressure.

3. He Lacks Clear Vision and Direction for His Life

A man without vision is not romantic, he is reckless. Waiting on God is not the same as wandering through life. Vision is not about wealth or status; it is about stewardship, purpose, and intentionality.

Scripture says, “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.” (Psalm 37:5). A man who cannot articulate where he is going spiritually, relationally, and vocationally will eventually expect you to supply clarity he refuses to develop.

4. He Is Passive, Undisciplined, and Lacks Work Ethic

Work ethic reveals character. Laziness is not neutral; it is a spiritual problem. A man who avoids responsibility today will avoid leadership tomorrow.

Marriage does not activate diligence; it exposes its absence.

The Bible says, “The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.” (Proverbs 13:4). Desire without discipline produces frustration, not progress. A man who will not work for his future will not fight for his family.

5. He Pressures You to Compromise Purity

A man who truly loves you will guard what is sacred, not exploit it. Pressure toward sin is not passion; it is selfishness. Lust always wants now. Love is willing to wait.

Scripture says, “Let marriage be honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4). A man who cannot control his desires before marriage will not suddenly gain self-mastery after vows.

6. He Is Emotionally Immature and Spiritually Inconsistent

Emotional instability produces relational instability. If he is reactive, defensive, insecure, or controlled by moods, he is not ready to shepherd anyone’s heart.

The Bible says, “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Proverbs 16:32. Self-control is one of the clearest indicators of spiritual maturity. A man who cannot govern himself cannot be trusted to lead others.

7. He Speaks With Harshness, Sarcasm, or Contempt

Tone reveals theology. A man who speaks harshly is revealing what kind of spirit is governing his heart. Contempt is the language of pride, not love.

Scripture says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21). A man who wounds with words in dating will not become gentle in marriage. Speech patterns are soul patterns.

8. He Avoids Conflict, Responsibility, and Hard Decisions

Silence is not leadership. Avoidance is not peace. A man who cannot confront issues, take initiative, or shoulder responsibility will leave you carrying emotional and spiritual weight alone.

The Bible says, “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13). God defines manhood in terms of courage, not comfort. Leadership requires action, not retreat.

9. He Lacks Integrity, Consistency, and Follow-Through

Words are cheap. Patterns reveal truth. If his commitments are unreliable, his promises unstable, and his lifestyle inconsistent, you are seeing his real character.

Scripture says, “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.” (Luke 16:10). Faithfulness in small things predicts faithfulness in marriage, finances, and fatherhood.

10. Being With Him Weakens Your Walk With God

This is the final and most important test. Does he make you pray more or less? Love Scripture more or less? Pursue holiness more or less? Peace, growth, and conviction are indicators of spiritual alignment.

The Bible says, “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15). If the man you are dating cannot confidently say that now, he is not ready to lead a household later.

Final Word

Here is the hard truth. Potential is not a promise. Chemistry is not character. Feelings are not fruit. You do not marry who he could become; you marry who he consistently is.

You are not called to raise a man. You are called to walk with one. A boy with a beard does not equal a man!

The right man will not confuse your faith, rush your boundaries, dull your convictions, or compete with your calling. He will pursue God before he pursues you. He will work diligently, lead courageously, love sacrificially, and live consistently.

And Scripture gives this promise: “Seek, and ye shall find.” (Matthew 7:7). When you seek God first, He is faithful to lead you toward someone who is seeking Him too